So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize