I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
