The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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