Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
