It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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