my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my poor anus
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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