Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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