Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
