What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
