Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
