I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
