never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
