I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
