No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
