Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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