Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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