I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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