Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
not ubering you a puppy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
