you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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