one two three fourrrrnication!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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