he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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