not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize