If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
