I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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