and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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