drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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