I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
