Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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