Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
