dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
