I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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