I got chris browned last night
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
