from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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