Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
