Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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