I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
