Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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