so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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