So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
