looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
