the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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