i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
