I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
