If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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