Sry I called you an 8
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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