Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
