I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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