I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
