you have to choose: penises or morals?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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