Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
