why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
