You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Farmville is her only friend.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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