there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
