So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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