i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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