I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
