I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
