Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
