hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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