she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
