we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
