you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
