I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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