gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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