I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
