sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
